Dear Abbey,
I. Hate. Triggers. What I hate even more is when everyday normal things become triggers. How do you avoid them?? A new trigger of mine has been Wil's new job and the process of finding the job.
Our entire marriage we have been students except for a 4 month time span between undergrad and graduate school where he held his only full time job. That 4 months were the some of the hardest months of my life.
Wil worked with mentally disabled adults teaching them life skills. He grew to love his clients and his clients loved him back. One of his clients loved him so much that he started texting him on a regular basis. What started out as friendly chat turned into an easy source of porn and for a downward spiral in Wil's addiction; but of course he didn't see it as an addiction at the time. This client (lets call him Brock) was sending him pornographic material of women through video and photos.
I'm so so grateful that I never saw any of it but I still knew. Besides lacking light in his eyes and being withdrawn from the family I started noticing that every time Wil would get a text from Brock he'd jump up and leave the room to read it. One day as we were headed out the door to church he accidentally bumped his phone causing a video to open. I didn't see it but the panic in his eyes, his franticness to leave the room to close it and the horrifying sounds that I heard were enough to know what was going on. Wil also became distant and secretive about EVERYTHING. Especially silly things like trying to hide any evidence of him buying himself a treat at the grocery store when I'd send him for a few things we needed.
I hated his job and was always uncomfortable with it; I could sense things weren't right. Our desperation for a job left me silent and afraid to share my concerns. After a short 4 months of having this job, Wil came home on a Monday, in the middle of the day looking like he'd seen a ghost. I learned that he had been fired due to accusations of sexual harassment. This was not what my already broken and worried mind needed to hear...
This experience has left me feeling afraid for future jobs. He graduates next month and the search for a job has been grueling. I dread every interview. This week he got an offer for his dream job and my fears are making it difficult to be excited for him and this new chapter in our lives. Will his next job send him back to the lowest point in his addiction? Will he act out at work? Will he have an affair? I'm scared.
I'm trying to come up with boundaries so I don't have to be afraid but I don't even know where to start.
Help.
Sincerely,
Me
I. Hate. Triggers. What I hate even more is when everyday normal things become triggers. How do you avoid them?? A new trigger of mine has been Wil's new job and the process of finding the job.
Our entire marriage we have been students except for a 4 month time span between undergrad and graduate school where he held his only full time job. That 4 months were the some of the hardest months of my life.
Wil worked with mentally disabled adults teaching them life skills. He grew to love his clients and his clients loved him back. One of his clients loved him so much that he started texting him on a regular basis. What started out as friendly chat turned into an easy source of porn and for a downward spiral in Wil's addiction; but of course he didn't see it as an addiction at the time. This client (lets call him Brock) was sending him pornographic material of women through video and photos.
I'm so so grateful that I never saw any of it but I still knew. Besides lacking light in his eyes and being withdrawn from the family I started noticing that every time Wil would get a text from Brock he'd jump up and leave the room to read it. One day as we were headed out the door to church he accidentally bumped his phone causing a video to open. I didn't see it but the panic in his eyes, his franticness to leave the room to close it and the horrifying sounds that I heard were enough to know what was going on. Wil also became distant and secretive about EVERYTHING. Especially silly things like trying to hide any evidence of him buying himself a treat at the grocery store when I'd send him for a few things we needed.
I hated his job and was always uncomfortable with it; I could sense things weren't right. Our desperation for a job left me silent and afraid to share my concerns. After a short 4 months of having this job, Wil came home on a Monday, in the middle of the day looking like he'd seen a ghost. I learned that he had been fired due to accusations of sexual harassment. This was not what my already broken and worried mind needed to hear...
This experience has left me feeling afraid for future jobs. He graduates next month and the search for a job has been grueling. I dread every interview. This week he got an offer for his dream job and my fears are making it difficult to be excited for him and this new chapter in our lives. Will his next job send him back to the lowest point in his addiction? Will he act out at work? Will he have an affair? I'm scared.
I'm trying to come up with boundaries so I don't have to be afraid but I don't even know where to start.
Help.
Sincerely,
Me
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