Consequences

Dear Abbey,

I was taught as a child that there were always consequences for your actions, good or bad. This is a tough concept for a child to grasp but often times, for adults as well. Something that being married to an addict has taught me is that you can have to suffer consequences for others' actions as well. And its not. stinking. fair.

My husband came to me last night telling me that there is a chance he will be getting fired from his job this week because of porn use at work on work computers. He also told me that he lapsed yesterday. In efforts to remove the files with saved pornographic images he made the choice to view those pictures before deleting them.

I was angry and so scared. Angry because "how could he be so STUPID?!" and scared because "how can we provide for our family without a job?!"

After he went to bed (we are currently in a in-house separation) I did the only thing I could think of doing. Pray.

I laid it all out to the Lord. I told him about how I'm scared and angry and frustrated that I'm not seeing any good change or progress in my husband. How I'm tired of being hurt over and over again. How I have to suffer the consequence of my husbands stupid decisions. I didn't do anything wrong so why do my kids and I have to suffer?

I was then prompted to read a conference talk. I opened the LDS library app on my phone and the first thing that came up was the talk "Latter-day Saints Keep on Trying" giving in the last general conference by Elder Dale G. Renlund.

As I read, I had tears streaming down my face because the Lord was talking to ME through elder Renlund's talk. 

"He understands perfectly what it is like to suffer innocently as the consequences of of another's transgression. As prophesied, the Savior will 'bind up the broken hearted,...give...beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, [and] the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.' No matter what, with His help, God expects Latter-day Saints to keep on trying."

Reading this was a direct answer to my frustration with consequences.

I went on to read that, "He is disappointed if we do not recognize that others are trying too."

I am not seeing that my husband is trying. He says he is but my lack of trust and hope in him is blinding me. I need to look for the good in my husband. He is trying. Attending 2 12 steps groups a week, visiting weekly with our bishop, and seeing a therapist 1-2 times a week along with daily study is a lot to be doing for someone 'not trying'.

 Supporting the addict or supporting your abuser is so hard. The Lord has shown me, however, that acknowledging his efforts can be one of the best ways to do so. I pray that the Lord can open my eyes more to help me see my husbands efforts.

I love that through prayer and revelation, the lord can comfort and teach me. I always mourn that nobody 'gets it'. HE does. He's the only one that truly gets its and knows of the pain I feel and knows how to take my pain away.

Sincerely,

Me